Better Left As Memory?

So…most of us have the one love in our past that we think about from time to time.  A song comes on that reminds us of them..it is like the song Every Now and Then from Garth Brooks.  If you are not familiar with that song I would suggest listening to it!  

I have dated several men before finally walking down the aisle and have run into them from time to time without too much thought given to it - more just great to see you, how is your life and then ready to move on.  But then there is that one…for me that one now lives within a quarter of a mile from me in my new home (believe it or not I did not plan it that way - it just happened.)  And it gets better than that.  Two days before my youngest goes to her new school for "Meet and Greet" I find out that his daughter is in the same class as mine - what are the odds of that?  I guess high since we both live in the same neighborhood and have kids the same age but still not what I was expecting.

So now the anticipation sets in - I have not seen him for over 10 years - not since the dreaded  "this just isn't working out" conversation.  What wasn't working out was that his long time girlfriend showed up at his doorstep wanting him back.  I lived 500 miles away - there was no fighting for it at the time even though I desperately wanted to.  

Over the last ten years I have thought about him off and on - more so when things were at their worst with my husband, less when I was happier.  Always wondering though what could have been.  Would I have been happier with him?  I would remember the way he looked at me, the hours of phone conversations, the laughter but most of all the comfort and security I felt.  All those things that I never had with my husband.  Even though the relationship did not last long it was long enough to steal a portion of my heart that I never got back.  Of course I look at my girls and would not change anything in my life but you cannot help but wonder - what if?  Would I be where I am now, in the middle of a divorce, or not?

The day of Meet and Greet.  The rational part of me is thinking this is so silly - it has been ten years, we are both married and have moved on. But with the first look, all those feelings rushed back instantly.  It seemed just maybe for him too.  It would have been a lot easier I suppose if I had run into him over the years.  But I was here now.  Hi, how are you conversations.  Then the "this is my wife, this is my husband" introductions, then the awkwardness set in.  No one knew what to say, of course the spouses having no idea what is going on.  

Then I got to wondering as I looked at him walking out the door…..sometimes are things better left as memories?  He was the one that I would think about when I was down, that intangible person that was no longer in my life but who brought me to a happier place in my thoughts when I needed it most.  Now, as he is standing in front of me I feel like I was robbed of that in a way.  He was real again with his new life and somehow it did not seem as thrilling to me anymore.  Yes, there were still feelings but it will never be the same for me.  So…my biggest question…who I am going to think about now to bring me to that happy place?  Well…hopefully as I move on I will be in that place in my life and not in a dream.  One can only hope!